I'm So Tired, I Haven't Slept A Wink

I don't really have a plan for what to say, or even what I want to say.. I have absolutely no idea. It's late.. and I was reading Autumn's blog [which by the way I'm having a love affair with, don't tell Cake Wrecks] and I thought to myself how I like her style of blogging. My style of blogging is a bit schizophrenic.

I really wish that I had something good to blog about right now.. I don't want this to be a throw-out round of Apples To Apples. I want to say something that will impact somebody in some way by what I say, but right now I'm dry. I feel like I'm a dam that's flooding over with concepts - figments of my imagination.

Do you want to know something weird? When I think of the Pope I think about Batman.. I think it has something to do with Batman sound like Vatican or something. I don't really know..

I think I'm going to explode, but I don't know why. I feel.. unstable. It's like what my Hypoglycemia for Dummies book says [and yes, they do make one for *everything*][[and I also *bought it*]], I have the sensation of going mad right now. It's a symptom. Sucks, huh? That just because my pancreas secretes too much insulin I feel like I'm going insane. I *hate* being hypoglycemic. I feel like it controls my whole life. I can't just go anywhere, or do anything spontaneously, I have to think about how long it's been since I've eaten, if I need to bring food, or if there will be food there.

When my blood sugar gets low I feel like a ghost. Have you read the Uglies/Pretties/Specials/Extras books? I when my blood sugar gets low I feel 'pretty-minded'. It's the scariest feeling in the world. It also impairs my memory and blurs my vision. It's the most horrible feeling to think about my whole future and realize that I won't be able to remember most of my past. All because of my freaking pancreas, and it's stupid defective insulin.

Know what I think is unfair? That type-1 diabetes is the opposite, and yet it's socially accepted and known. Type-2 diabetes is even a result of hypoglycemia. That's freaking scary! That if I eat too much sugar and white flour I can become diabetic. Though sometimes it feels like that would solve all of my problems. That I wouldn't have to be sick my whole life, and that I could just prick myself with a needle everyday and *live my life*.

Know what's weird to think about? I have a syndrome. I can't get rid of it. It'll always be there. Syndrome is a scary word. The whole thing is a nightmare, and it's my life. Hypoglycemia is highly misunderstood and underestimated.

If anyone tries to tell you that hypoglycemia is a 'fad disease' and that that's what doctors tell hypochondriacs they have punch them in the face for me.